What I Would Give
by latest-blooming-sakura-blossom
Summary: They were always so careful. They always kept it hidden. One mistake and everything's over. They are coming to take him away, Dean knows that. Their last night is a happy one, but with dawn comes the terrifing seperation. Then something stranger happens.


Dean knew it was their last night. Tomorrow they would come and take Castiel away from him forever. Anna had warned them, and Castiel could not hide from his brothers. Trying to in the past had only resulted in failure and disappointment. After arguing for over an hour it was decided that Dean would stay with him up until the moment they took him.

Dean was lying on his back, hands behind his head, when Castiel reentered the room. The two had been nearly silent for the entire day. Dean knew they were wasting the precious few hours they had left, but he couldn't think of anything he wanted to say that wouldn't twist the night into sadness.

Castiel slid into the bed beside him and Dean wrapped an arm securely around his angel. They had been so careful for so long, hiding everything from heaven, and one slip up had cost them everything. One rash kiss to ease the pain and just like that it was all over.

Dean sighed and blue eyes turned to face him. "Dean." The word was simple and yet it explained all. Castiel was just as terrified that he would soon be facing the world alone as Dean was. "I know." A teary eyed angel was the last thing Dean wanted to see right now, he wanted the last night to be a happy one.

"Hey, don't get all weepy on me Cas. Let's move this party into the living room and watch some horror movies, the classics just like you like." A small, sad nod was his only response and Dean felt his inside knot up tightly.

After slipping in an old black and white flick the two settled comfortably in each others arms on the large couch. Dean placed a soft kiss on Castiel's neck and smiled when a noise of contentment rose from his angels throat.

Dean began to trace his hands up and down Castiel's stomach, enjoying the way the mussels contracted under his took. It was soon apparent that neither was paying much attention to the movie so less than halfway through Castiel turned around to face Dean. Soft kisses and even softer touches were exchanged and soon they found themselves shifting down onto the floor.

Clothing was slowly shed, and soon the two were moving in perfect harmony. Tonight wasn't about pleasure, no it was all about connection as they moaned and shifted with each other. Soft, loving whispers of the others name floated in the air around them.

They spent hours like that, making slow passionate love, before they both came to a climax and collapsed on top of each other. It was nearly dawn now. Their time was almost up.

"I don't want this to happen." Castiel whispered into each others ear as they lay attempting to slow their breathing. "I know." Dean's throat was so tight speaking even the simplest words was nearly impossible for him.

"Dean I don't know what I'm going to do." Panic rose high in Dean's chest. This was happening now. They were going to talk about it and then Castiel was going to disappear. No more laughing with Cas. No more joking on Cas when he did something really bizarre and nowhere near human. No more late nights together in the privacy of their home.

No more home.

That's what this really meant. Taking Cas away was taking home away. More panic, lung constricting, sight stealing panic. "Dean?" He had to pull himself together. He couldn't fall apart in front of Cas when the angel needed him so badly.

"I. . . I'm not sure what we can do." Damn it, wrong thing to say. Castiel's face fell, his expression crest fallen. Dean knew he'd been holding on to the hope that he'd come up with a last minute plan to free them from this fate. "Cas, I don't have any cards up my sleeve this time."

Pain. Red hot and mixing with white iron panic. It was not a good combination. They both lay still and quiet for a long while, the fully risen sun woke them from their trances. They dressed mechanically and stared out the window. "We don't have much time now." A nod. "Dean there is something I want to tell you before I have to go."

"Okay, what is it?" His voice was strained, his throat was still so tight it hurt. "After everything we've been through you know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I would gladly give my life if it pleased you." Dean went to interrupt but Castiel stopped him with a finger to his lips.

"What I am trying to say is very difficult for me to word. As you know emotions are all very knew to me." Castiel's eyes were sparkling brightly with something Dean recognized well from their last few months together. He always got that look in his eyes when he looked at Dean.

"Dean I love you." The words took him off guard. Dean never told anyone he loved them. He knew he loved Castiel, but he couldn't say it. The words formed themselves on the tips of his tongue, but it wouldn't pass through his lips.

Castiel's face was more broken than Dean had ever seen it after a minute of silence had passed. Just as he was about to force the words out, no matter how hard, Castiel disappeared from sight. Zachariah was in his place and Dean felt his heart break. He'd run out of time.

"Castiel is gone. And he wont be back." That was it. Even Zachariah was gone now. Dean fell onto the couch, suddenly dizzy. He hadn't said it. The only think he could think about was Castiel's face in the seconds before he was taken.

Broken, eyes dark, tears about to fall. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Dean was a horrible person and he deserved all the pain he was feeling for what he had done to Castiel. He would give anything to be able to see Cas again, even if it was only for five minutes. He needed to make it right, Castiel had to know the truth.

Days passed. Dean couldn't sleep or eat. All he could do was sit and think. Castiel's face was always behind his lids. Broken and crumpled in pain. Dean wanted his happy memories back. More than that he wanted his angel back though. Things were horrible here without him. There didn't seem to be any reason to live.

Everywhere Dean looked there was a memory of Castiel. The couch, the table, the hallway, the bedroom. Their bedroom was the worst. Dean hadn't been able to so much and touch the door handle since his angels forced departure.

His cell phone rang almost constantly. Bobby and Sam were trying to reach him and it wouldn't be long until they came looking for him. He dreaded the confrontation but not enough to be able to pick up the phone. He could remember every word he and Cas had spoken over that phone. Had loosing someone always hurt this much? Dean couldn't remember anymore.

The phone stopped ringing and there was a knock on the door. Sam had come faster than he'd thought he would. Dean sluggishly made he was to the door and swung it open without expectation. Sam's face was twisted in worry. Dean figured he looked pretty bad after days with no sleep, food, or even a shower. He should probably take a shower. What's the point though?

Sam got him in the car and Dean was vaguely aware of his questions as the drove the familiar roads to Bobby's house. Dean felt himself dozing off, heartbroken blue eyes tormenting him as he slept. He would never escape the ghost of what he'd lost.

Bobby was less tolerant than Sam. He yelled and threw things when Dean wouldn't speak. He got the same response Sam received; silence. Dean showered and finally ate something, but only so they'd leave him alone.

As soon as he was alone in his room Zachariah appeared to him. "Hello Dean." Anger flooded through his veins, the sudden change in emotion startled him slightly. "What the hell do you want?" The firsts words he'd spoken in days.

"I'm offended Dean. You didn't seem to be doing so well so I came to see what was wrong." Dean growled, deep and menacing. "Oh, you don't seem to happy to see me." Zachariah was fanning a very dangerous flame with his antic. "Why are you really here?" The angel smiled. "I came to make you an offer."

Of course he did. He never showed up unless he wanted something. "I'm offering you you're precious Castiel back." Dean was silent. He was willing to agree to anything now and Zachariah new it. "What are your strings?" A sick smile spread across his lips. "Castiel will be human." Dean cringed.

Could he really damn Castiel to a life of mortality just because he wanted him back. He was ashamed that the answer was a quick yes. "What else?" The smile grew. "All you have to do is let Michael use you're meat suit for one year."

Dean's head started to spin. One year. Give up his body for one year and then he'd have Cas back. He almost said okay before something occurred to him. He'd seen Raphael's vessel. Dean would be in no shape to be with Cas after Michael was done.

"No go. I'm going to be nearly catatonic afterwards. Not really the best condition to be in when you've gotta teach someone how to be human. And what kind of person would damn Cas to a life alone anyway?" Zachariah frowned. "We'd fix that of course, the mind problem I mean. We're deal makers, not swindlers. And you know from experience we can't directly lie to you Dean."

A very rude thought went through Dean's mind but he decided to subdue it for now. "So we got a deal?" Dean frowned at Zachariah's outstretched hand before he took it. "Fine. One year is all you get, then I want you to fix me and bring Cas back." As soon as he let go of Zachariah's hand he saw a bright light and heard a quiet 'thank you.' And with that Dean Winchester knew no more.


End file.
